


i'm sorry blue haired boy

by W00PHORIA



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt No Comfort, I Don't Even Know, M/M, My First Fanfic, Sad Ending, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23104990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/W00PHORIA/pseuds/W00PHORIA
Summary: jeong yunho stopped believing in love when he was six years old. the whole soulmate thing is bullshit to him.song mingi yearns to find his lover.
Relationships: Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	i'm sorry blue haired boy

**Author's Note:**

> hi im vv bad at writing summaries i know but please at least give this a chance maybe?? this is my first time writing any sort of fic whatsoever and it started because i was sad so it turned out sad.. im sorry ??  
> english isn't my first language so please just overlook any mistakes thank you also this isn't proofread im too tired to. also the song mentioned is red by the rose !! started listening to them last night and im already in love.
> 
> POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING:  
> so um idk if they count but i just wanted to put this out in case. there's like implicit (??) mention of blood and abuse but it isn't in detail i promise it's just mentioned. there's also slight mention of throwing up towards the end !!
> 
> i hope you like it !!
> 
> PSA: if you wna get into contact with me my twitter is gaywommy !!

i hear all these songs about love and finding _The One_ and yeah i might crave that love. that unconditional love. the one authors write about, where flowers bloom and the world is bursting with colour and happiness. where you wake up in a cocoon of warmth and safety in the arms of your lover, sharing sleepy sweet kisses and whispering gentle _i love yous_. where it's your partner and you against the world. where they're your everything and vice versa.

yeah i might crave that but i also know that it's all wishful thinking. love isn't all colourful and sweet smelling flowers. it isn't always the aroma of freshly made breakfast wafting into your room early in the morning when your partner brings in a tray of love and sweetness into your bed and you share loving smiles and gentle touches. love is _not_ unconditional.

the flowers do wilt, you do wake up shivering in the defeaning silence. there's screaming and crying and _pain._ there's _always_ pain. the warm smiles do turn to sneers and the once gentle, loving touches leave you burnt and bleeding.

there's a child trying to stifle their sobs into their pillow as the glass vase in the living room shatters along with the promises of " _till death do us part"_ and there's screaming.

_stay silent or he'll come for you too. don't let him know you're awake or you're done for too. you need to be strong._

there's the door slamming and the engine of the car starting and the screech of the wheels as they drive off the porch, never to be heard coming back again. and there's the faint sobbing from the living room. the residue of broken promises and false hopes lying shattered on the ground. the crimson that once shone in the flowers now dripping on the floor as the broken soul tries to pull herself together.

_for my child. i need to be strong for my child._

the poor thing doesn't give a damn about herself. she knows her child lies awake in his bed, trying not to make a sound. he needs to be told he can let it all out now. he's gone and he's not coming back.

**_he's gone and he's not coming back._ **

~~~

yunho stopped believing in love when he was a mere child of six. the white colour of his hair became a nuisance to him. he knew it would never fill with colour, he wouldn't allow it - especially when colour that was supposed to fill it was the one of his "soulmate". he simply could not allow it. he despised it.

he further despised the fact that no matter how much he tried to dye his hair a different colour it would go back to white after an hour or two and he would be constantly reminded of the one thing he dreaded.

yunho's dad left. his mom, the poor broken soul, couldn't survive more than a year after it happened.

he left them. she left yunho.  
and he was left to fend for himself in a world drained of all colour.

he'd become used to the decolorisation. he feared the day he'd see colour once again. it would mean that the pain would start for him. it would mean that it's his turn to hurt after his mother.

~~~

mingi couldn't wait for the day his hair would be full of colour. he couldn't wait for the day the flowers would bloom and the sweet fragrance and happiness would seep into his veins, making him red. like that one song he oh so loved.

_i wanna be red. just like the burning fire in front of me. i wanna be red._

red became his favourite colour. he couldn't wait for the day he'd meet someone and see their hair turn his favourite shade of red.

he so deeply believed in the soulmate bond he spent most of his time fantasizing about what his soulmate would be like. he hoped they'd be as eager to meet him as he is for them.

_oh if only he knew._

_~~~_

yunho's world was unnecessarily dark today.

unnecessarily he said, as his mind went back to this exact night twenty years ago. the night his world came crashing down and lost all its colour. the night, after which, yunho's every day was synonymous to the night.

_just get through today without doing anything stupid and you'll be fine. it's only today. the black's going to change back to grey tomorrow. it's just today._

yunho kept repeating this to himself like mantra in his head. like every other day today too he prayed to whatever deity above that what he's been dreading all his life doesnt happen.

~~~

yunho was glad he was off work now. the images from his past had been haunting him a little too much today and he was so mentally and physically exhausted. all he craved was the somewhat safe haven of his bed where he could hide under the sheets, not having to look at anything, not even himself.

yunho walked hurriedly on the sidewalk, his face hid by his scarf and oversized jacket in an attempt to block the icy wind piercing his skin.

in his hurry he failed to notice a man around the same height as him walking backwards right in his direction and walked right into him causing him to fall on his back and for his hood to come off his head, revealing his white hair (which if u payed really close attention to, had started going a bit pink at the roots).

fumbling with his words, mingi apologized repeatedly as he offered his hand to yunho who begrudgingly accepted help. he remembered his therapist telling him that he should accept help sometimes, try and stop his fear of finding his soulmate affect him so much that he stays away from any physical touch whatsosever, even when he needs it the most.

only when he did accept mingi's hand he realised the grave mistake he had committed. he noticed how mingi's hair gradually turned the same blue as his mother's dress when she held him close. the same blue as the blanket he used to hide under in an attempt to escape the horrors of his so called home (you see he stopped believing in the monster under the bed when the monster at the dinner table was scarier).

yunho's heartbeat skyrocketed and he hoped to any and all beings in the sky that he just imagined it. he soon realised it wad wishful thinking when he heard the now blue haired boy gasp. scared to see what it would be yunho slowly looked into the glass window of the shop they were in front of and what he saw made him sick to his stomach. his hair was a bright fiery red. red like the fire that burned his life down. red like the blood of his mother spilt every friday night. red like a rose, which might be pretty to look at but with thorns that tear through skin and promises and leave you and your heart bleeding on the ground.

he silently cursed his therapist for making him give in to touch.

he turned at looked at the blue haired boy who it seemed had been staring at him with his wide open and a comical expression on his face.

_he must be disgusted by what he sees: puffy eyes, dark circles and sickly pale skin (he doesn't remember when the last time he ate was)._

_i need to leave._

and he did. before the blue haired boy could say or do anything yunho picked up his fallen bag, mumbled a thanks and an apology in one go only and ran.

he ran the whole way back to his tiny apartment. he ran with so much might that when he stopped his legs felt like jelly. he used up the little energy he had left to run away from something seemingly harmless but utterly terrifying and it resulted in him running to his bathroom and throwing up nothing but stomach acid which left his throat burning.

heart beating rapidly and body in pain, yunho apologized to the blue haired boy in his mind so profusely that his throat felt dry and his mouth hurt with the apologies he kept saying.

_im not ready. i won't ever be ready._  
_im sorry mingi. im so so sorry._

**Author's Note:**

> props to you if you read this far tbh. this is the result of me sad writing at like 2 am and it continuing till the next day but whatever. idk im gonna like continue this or not i just wrote this in like the spur of the moment cause as i said i was sad. idek if anyone's gna read this lol but if u do and if u somehow liked it maybe leave it a kudos and like maybe let me know if i should continue this or not?? or just leave it as a kinda of ambiguous ending ??
> 
> hhh i really hope u enjoyed that thank you for taking time out to read this !! much love <33


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